Portrait of an Object

by Kate Ginger

art by Vanessa Wynn

I’m profane and I drink too much.

I like sex. I’ve been in love. I’ve been heartbroken.

I’ve never felt at home.

I write shitty poetry in my notes app.

I’ve been hurt by every man in my life.

I’m scared I’ll turn out like my father.

I wish I could play the cello

But I just cry when I hear it.

I don’t want children.

I write letters I know I’ll never send.

I look at the stars

because that's what we're made of.

Sometimes it's easier for me

to tell a crowd of strangers things

I’ve never admitted to myself.

I remember when I

became an object

Ass and a pair of Tits

ringringring my mom picks up

some noticed my shorts

too short

im nothing

but the clothes i wear and the ones i dont

and howcloseiwassitting

to a boy at the pool

they’ll talktalktalk

dirty sl*t

wh*re

c*mbucket

worthlesspieceof*ss

biggest

f*ckupofalltime

We’re in the backseat. I’m drunk.

And I only need to remember I’m wanted.

We’re in the backseat.

And you haven't showered in days.

And I’m the dirty one.

We’re in the backseat. I’m drunk.

And I don’t know how I got here.

We’re in the backseat.

I hear fireworks but I can only see

Your silhouette against the moonroof.

It must be the new year.

We’re in the backseat. I’m drunk.

And I don’t want to be here.

We’re in the backseat. I’m drunk.

If I don’t let you touch me,

How will I know I’m real?

They will beat it out of us from the day we are born tell us we aren't worth it there is no place for us to stand there is no one who wants to hear what you have to say look presentable measure success by the size of your jeans and the calories you avoid accentuate your best features look natural winged eyeliner skin dewy makeup not too heavy god forbid you look sexy don’t look in the mirror too much you narcissist you’re asking for it when you dress like that and use that voice and walk away with your back to me it’s because you drink too much you need to calm down i know they don’t listen until you scream or cry you’re being hysterical stop trying so hard it has to be effortless

you look like you’ve given up.

put yourself together.

and don’t forget to smile.[1]

[1] Girls who reach puberty earlier are sexually harassed more than their peers, regardless of whether they’re engaging in sexual behaviors earlier – one reason researchers had thought they might have been targeted. And the attention comes from their peers as well as adults.