by Claire Mann
art by Clara Schreibman
THE BEGINNING
there is a man that i know,
a man with no name
no country, no faith, no fear, and no blame
i met him once, at the end of the world
at the place where the stars and the earth unfurled
he has nothing, he told me
no mountains too deep
no oceans too tall or nights with no sleep
just him, and his life, and the breath from his lips
and the glow of his eyes like a solar eclipse
i can’t see him, not truly
and his look i can’t place
he features tend to blur when i look at his face
so i’m left here in wonder of the man that he is
and the one he used to be that he always seems to miss
i study him like religion
and the mystery he creates
a blessing, a curse, his unavoidable fate
i wish i didn’t trust him, but i fear that i do
we sit and we talk until the sky turns blue
he feels like the sun
and the wind and the rain
i wish that i knew the rules to his game
but i sit and i fidget and play with my feet
back and forth between elated and grinding my teeth
my desire runs deep
i can feel it in my bones
a ridiculous want for this man i don’t know
but maybe, just maybe, it’s more real than it seems
and not just a product of wild fictitious dreams
the day he looked at me
my breath caught in my throat
the moment when i first found his eyes and his nose
his beautiful face finding root in my brain
so lovely that my stomach almost clenches in pain
every day i’m at his side
and with each hour we spend
his ambiguity comes to a hesitant end
i map out the lines in the topography of his smile
the one which he uses so freely to beguile
my heart is so full
and he’s found where he belongs
with sunshine and loving and whispers of songs
on the map, if you look, our country you’ll see
it’s marked with the stain of both him and of me
his faith is restored
and i fall on my knees
our love is as holy as the birds and the streams
the gates of the castle are open at last
and you may as well just fly my flag half-mast
there is a man that i know
and i call him by name
with our love so fierce it puts Verona to shame
i turn and see my angel; he’s haloed by the sun
at the end of the world, baby, i am undone
LOVE
i love you and the sound of your voice
under the stars where we lay
i love you so much that it’s not a choice
and i love you more every day
i love you like fire, it burns like a flame
the way that you light up my dark
i burn up inside when you call my name
you always hit me in the heart
i love you whenever, wherever, today
so i can't even put up a fight
i love you in every possible way
i want to be with you tonight
i know that you’re so loved by everyone around you
i cant imagine a world without your face
and i know that you can never be replaced
so i hope and i pray that you’ll always you love me back
and i honestly think i’m way too attached
but hey, truly, that’s all on you
don’t blame me for loving everything you do
FEAR
“have you ever seen anything quite like that?”
my head turns to watch you watch the clouds
“no, not til now” you smile as you say
your shine hurts my eyes so i have to look away
the stars are sprinkling like little beams of light
they spin and they dance across your eyes
i see you point up towards Orion and say
“have you ever seen anything quite like that?”
the guitar strings sing a lovely tune
but i am only mesmerized by you
my gaze blurs as i watch your fingers fly
have you ever seen anything quite like that?
your fire glows in the night sky
the trees are leaning in to quietly whisper
“have you ever seen anything quite like that?”
the leaves are shuddering with secrets
but i know they’ll never tell
vines grow from your branches
they seem to be whispering the answer
have you ever seen anything quite like that?
the answer is no, not til now.
not until you.
DESOLATION
you promised me that you’d give me your heart
but we’re planets and moons and cosmos apart
there’s nothing you can do to heal the scars
maybe this time we went a little too far
the sound of your voice is tearing my skin
and to breathe i don’t where or how to begin
but i know that i'll run right back to your arms
so please keep them closed, away with the stars
i look at your face and there’s nothing i see
besides all these clouds and these tears and these dreams
the ones that we made while watching the ceiling
if only we knew that’s love we were feeling
i wish i could talk to more than a stranger
but i sense the feeling of oncoming danger
when i look into your beautiful, heavenly eyes
and all i get back is a look of despise
i wish there was something i did besides cry,
watching our love float up to the sky,
and waiting for the day when my soul finally dies
HEALING
i’m sick and tired of all your word games
tossing me around like scrabble
the pieces fall and scatter in my brain
with your infinite surge of babble
shut up, please, i can’t do it anymore
i just want to go back to sleep
but i shut my eyes and end up on the floor
uncontrollably starting to weep
the way that you treat me it scabs and stings
in every single thing that you do
there’s a dread that sinks in the bags that i bring
each day as i trudge back to school
you wonder why my skin is cold like ice
but my eyes are scorching like fire
i’ll burn your heart out so take my advice
do not try to climb any higher
go away, i plead, and don’t come back
not now, not ever, not today
there are knives in your words and i bleed from your attack
a price that i will no longer pay
there’s a buzzing in my ears like a thousand little flies
that echo the sound of my fears
they crawl in my brain and whisper every lie
the ones that i constantly hear
but maybe there’s truth that hums along too
hidden underneath the swarm
it swims in oceans made of most crystal blue
and promises light in this storm
the dawn breaks through with a loving embrace
but i don’t know if i believe it
i shield my eyes as the warmth hits my face
and my stomach it swirls and it freezes
but maybe there’s hope, even just for a second
and that glimpse just might be enough
and i think that the sun is slowly beckoning
“come on out, you deserve love”
it feels so nice to be breathing in the air
as my hands trace the paths all around
the everlasting trees all turn to stare
because i’ve finally dug up from the ground
so here’s what i’ll say, and you know that it’s true
you will no longer define my worth
you say i don’t matter but i know that i do
and your words will be buried in earth
i’ll find love somewhere else, in my trees and my books
and i won’t need to feel your despise
i’ll curl up with my mugs of hot chocolate in nooks
and i’ll finally close my eyes
my sleep will be peaceful, not shattered with dreams
of the sound of your voice and your tears and your screams
and the way that your mouth always twists at the side
as you burn my skin out of the corner of your eyes
and the light will be warm as i smile at its face
and won’t scorch like the loathing of your love
sometimes it feels like a never-ending chase
but i know that there’s people i can hug
when the world feels too grand for me to even exist
when there’s so much happening at once
when the knots in my stomach start to turn and twist
and i feel like i want to give up
because i am worth more than the things that you say
and i am more than enough
and there’s more to explore on every new day
so for once and for all: SHUT UP!!