lost and found, lost and found

by Claire Mann

art by Clara Schreibman

THE BEGINNING

there is a man that i know,

a man with no name

no country, no faith, no fear, and no blame

i met him once, at the end of the world

at the place where the stars and the earth unfurled

he has nothing, he told me

no mountains too deep

no oceans too tall or nights with no sleep

just him, and his life, and the breath from his lips

and the glow of his eyes like a solar eclipse

i can’t see him, not truly

and his look i can’t place

he features tend to blur when i look at his face

so i’m left here in wonder of the man that he is

and the one he used to be that he always seems to miss

i study him like religion

and the mystery he creates

a blessing, a curse, his unavoidable fate

i wish i didn’t trust him, but i fear that i do

we sit and we talk until the sky turns blue

he feels like the sun

and the wind and the rain

i wish that i knew the rules to his game

but i sit and i fidget and play with my feet

back and forth between elated and grinding my teeth

my desire runs deep

i can feel it in my bones

a ridiculous want for this man i don’t know

but maybe, just maybe, it’s more real than it seems

and not just a product of wild fictitious dreams

the day he looked at me

my breath caught in my throat

the moment when i first found his eyes and his nose

his beautiful face finding root in my brain

so lovely that my stomach almost clenches in pain

every day i’m at his side

and with each hour we spend

his ambiguity comes to a hesitant end

i map out the lines in the topography of his smile

the one which he uses so freely to beguile

my heart is so full

and he’s found where he belongs

with sunshine and loving and whispers of songs

on the map, if you look, our country you’ll see

it’s marked with the stain of both him and of me

his faith is restored

and i fall on my knees

our love is as holy as the birds and the streams

the gates of the castle are open at last

and you may as well just fly my flag half-mast

there is a man that i know

and i call him by name

with our love so fierce it puts Verona to shame

i turn and see my angel; he’s haloed by the sun

at the end of the world, baby, i am undone

LOVE

i love you and the sound of your voice

under the stars where we lay

i love you so much that it’s not a choice

and i love you more every day

i love you like fire, it burns like a flame

the way that you light up my dark

i burn up inside when you call my name

you always hit me in the heart

i love you whenever, wherever, today

so i can't even put up a fight

i love you in every possible way

i want to be with you tonight

i know that you’re so loved by everyone around you

and now i’ve found out that it’s happening to me too

i cant imagine a world without your face

and i know that you can never be replaced 

so i hope and i pray that you’ll always you love me back

and i honestly think i’m way too attached

but hey, truly, that’s all on you

don’t blame me for loving everything you do 

FEAR

“have you ever seen anything quite like that?”

my head turns to watch you watch the clouds

“no, not til now” you smile as you say

your shine hurts my eyes so i have to look away

the stars are sprinkling like little beams of light

they spin and they dance across your eyes

i see you point up towards Orion and say

“have you ever seen anything quite like that?”

the guitar strings sing a lovely tune

but i am only mesmerized by you

my gaze blurs as i watch your fingers fly

have you ever seen anything quite like that?

your fire glows in the night sky

the trees are leaning in to quietly whisper

“have you ever seen anything quite like that?”

the leaves are shuddering with secrets

but i know they’ll never tell

vines grow from your branches

they seem to be whispering the answer

have you ever seen anything quite like that?

the answer is no, not til now.

not until you.

DESOLATION

you promised me that you’d give me your heart

but we’re planets and moons and cosmos apart

there’s nothing you can do to heal the scars

maybe this time we went a little too far

the sound of your voice is tearing my skin

and to breathe i don’t where or how to begin

but i know that i'll run right back to your arms

so please keep them closed, away with the stars

i look at your face and there’s nothing i see

besides all these clouds and these tears and these dreams

the ones that we made while watching the ceiling

if only we knew that’s love we were feeling

i wish i could talk to more than a stranger

but i sense the feeling of oncoming danger

when i look into your beautiful, heavenly eyes

and all i get back is a look of despise

i wish there was something i did besides cry,

watching our love float up to the sky,

and waiting for the day when my soul finally dies

HEALING 

i’m sick and tired of all your word games

tossing me around like scrabble

the pieces fall and scatter in my brain

with your infinite surge of babble

shut up, please, i can’t do it anymore

i just want to go back to sleep

but i shut my eyes and end up on the floor

uncontrollably starting to weep

the way that you treat me it scabs and stings

in every single thing that you do

there’s a dread that sinks in the bags that i bring

each day as i trudge back to school

you wonder why my skin is cold like ice

but my eyes are scorching like fire

i’ll burn your heart out so take my advice

do not try to climb any higher

go away, i plead, and don’t come back

not now, not ever, not today

there are knives in your words and i bleed from your attack

a price that i will no longer pay

there’s a buzzing in my ears like a thousand little flies

that echo the sound of my fears

they crawl in my brain and whisper every lie

the ones that i constantly hear

but maybe there’s truth that hums along too 

hidden underneath the swarm

it swims in oceans made of most crystal blue

and promises light in this storm

the dawn breaks through with a loving embrace

but i don’t know if i believe it

i shield my eyes as the warmth hits my face

and my stomach it swirls and it freezes

but maybe there’s hope, even just for a second

and that glimpse just might be enough

and i think that the sun is slowly beckoning

“come on out, you deserve love” 

it feels so nice to be breathing in the air

as my hands trace the paths all around

the everlasting trees all turn to stare

because i’ve finally dug up from the ground

so here’s what i’ll say, and you know that it’s true

you will no longer define my worth

you say i don’t matter but i know that i do

and your words will be buried in earth

i’ll find love somewhere else, in my trees and my books

and i won’t need to feel your despise

i’ll curl up with my mugs of hot chocolate in nooks

and i’ll finally close my eyes

my sleep will be peaceful, not shattered with dreams

of the sound of your voice and your tears and your screams

and the way that your mouth always twists at the side

as you burn my skin out of the corner of your eyes

and the light will be warm as i smile at its face

and won’t scorch like the loathing of your love

sometimes it feels like a never-ending chase

but i know that there’s people i can hug

when the world feels too grand for me to even exist

when there’s so much happening at once

when the knots in my stomach start to turn and twist

and i feel like i want to give up

because i am worth more than the things that you say

and i am more than enough

and there’s more to explore on every new day 

so for once and for all: SHUT UP!!